


2K12

by Nex (eon_flamewing)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Rewrite, forum adventure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eon_flamewing/pseuds/Nex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young lady stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 21th of December, 2012, is the date scheduled for the launch of a much anticipated game. The young lady is expecting to find this game in her mailbox today, and she is expecting to play this particular game with seven of her friends. She is expecting her group of eight to split into two teams, who will compete to see which team will complete the game first. She is expecting the game to be enclosed in a pair of envelopes, and printed on these envelopes, she is expecting to find her name!</p><p>What do you suppose the name on the envelopes will be?</p><p>_______________________</p><p>These kids are the ones you are familiar with... or are they? Something has been changed, for they find themselves in different families that the original protagonists had. Despite the myriad of swapped histories and traits, one thing is certain. These eight children will play Sburb and on the day this universe is expected to end. In fact, they will be the ones to end it.</p><p>The progress of this swapped octet will depend heavily on reader input, so please post commands for them!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. > ENTER NAME.

A young lady stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 21th of December, 2012, is the date scheduled for the launch of a much anticipated game. The young lady is expecting to find this game in her mailbox today. She is expecting the game to be enclosed in a pair of envelopes, and printed on these envelopes, she is expecting to find her name!

What do you suppose the name on the envelopes will be?

 

  
**> ENTER NAME.**   


You cannot enter her name! It was already engraved in her HONORARY PLACRONYM on her 13th birthday, which was about four and a half years ago, and has been sitting here neatly on the bookshelf ever since. Attempting to engrave it with another name after completing this sacred rite of passage is practically unheard of, and is a gesture nearly as offensive as it would be if you tried to name her something dumb like Zoosmell Butlass. Luckily she is not the sort to hold a grudge, and she will let it slide this time. As long as you hurry up and get her big day started!

 

  
**> BE THE GIRL. ******  


**  
Your name is JADE EGBERT, and you are very excited for this game!   
**

** Other than this, you have a variety of other INTERESTS. Despite living quite a normal life in a normal suburb in a normal city, your hobbies are quite UNUSUAL. Your garden is more lavish and intricate than any other in your neighborhood, and it is sorely because of your careful administrations and your deep passion for HORTICULTURE. Other than the garden, your other common haunt is your room, where you practice TINKERING with various odds and ends and spoiled electronics.   
**

**  
  
**> EXAMINE ROOM.**   
  
**

Plastered on the walls are several ANIME POSTERS, notably ones featuring ANTHROPOMORPHPIC FAUNA. It is a perfectly normal interest where you come from. The SOFT-TOYS scattered around your room is also considered acceptable, and you still play with them once in a while. Your tinkering PROJECTS are laid out on a table. You've recently finished one, and you are VERY PROUD OF IT. Lately you've busied yourself with examining a strange PANNELED WINDOW your mom found, but you can't seem to do anything interesting with it. It's probably one of those rare pieces that is really rubbish.

However, that is the least of your concerns. Next to aforementioned WINDOW, a message flashes across your open LAPTOP.

Looks like one of your CHUMS is PESTERING you again. FIVE of the SEVEN names on your LIST OF CHUMS display an OFFLINE STATUS, while a SIXTH seems to have just SIGNED IN. However the FIRST name calls for your ATTENTION urgently by BLINKING in PURPLE.

**> ANSWER CHUM.**   


\- terminalGyroscope [TG] started pestering gildedGemstone [GG] -

TG: have you been talking to my sister again

GG: yeah! :D

GG: is there a problem?

TG: i disapprove

GG: why?

GG: she's a nice person!

TG: shes a drunkard and you know it

GG: but she's still nice

GG: even with her rather unsavory habits

GG: anyway, if i talk to her enough she'll change!

TG: well

TG: good luck

TG: shes like my dad

TG: anyway merry christmas in advance

GG: thank you!

GG: merry christmas to you too!

GG: but i firmly believe that people can change

GG: so you'll never know! :D

TG: whatever you say jade

TG: anyway have you gotten that game

GG: no not yet, i have it, but it's somewhere in the mailbox

GG: i'm so excited, i can't wait to start it!

GG: have you gotten yours? we can play together like we discussed!

TG: well

TG: im very far away from the post office in case you havent realized

TG: and my dad is too drunk to drive

TG: so

GG: you could steal the car?

GG: oh no i shouldn't be encouraging this sort of thing

GG: or you could ask one of the horses around nicely!

GG: play them a little tune on your violin! i hear they love it :D

TG: all they do is try to eat my violin

TG: or something like that

GG: it's a sign of affection!

GG: animals aren't quite sure how else to show that they appreciate your musical talents!

GG: that's why i'm here to help you understand them.

TG: whatever you say jade

GG: well, you should get that game soon! we really need to start playing as early as we can!

TG: um ok

TG: the office opens at ten

TG: id better get going then

TG: goddam horses

TG: have you asked the others yet

GG: no, i'm about to now

GG: i thought you'd be the one i would talk to first!

TG: oh

TG: well you should check on them while im gone

GG: yeah, i should.

GG: i won't bother you further, then!

GG: have a safe trip!

GG: :)

\- gildedGemstone [GG] ceased pestering terminalGyroscope [TG] -

TG: :)

\- terminalGyroscope [TG] ceased pestering gildedGemstone [GG] -

Well, you guess that settles it. Since TG hasn't gotten his copy of the game, you figure that you can't play either, according to the manual. What will you do now? Perhaps an omniscient voice will tell you what to do?


	2. > Jade: Notice that the other TG just logged in, and pester them as well.

> Jade: Notice that the other TG just logged in, and pester them as well.

TG's twin sister always unsettled you with her almost always drunk state of mind, but you don't really have a choice. The game needed eight people to play, and you needed people to fill up the slots. You decide to check on her.

  
\-- tippledGnostalgia [TG] started pestering gildedGemstone [GG]\--  
TG: jade   
TG: jaaaaadddeeee   
TG: i herd youre been talking to my bro again   
TG: *heard you've   
GG: well yes!  
GG: Is there a problem? :D  
TG: yesh durrrrrrrh  
TG: i disapprove!  
GG: why? D:  
GG: he's a nice person!  
TG: hes so borinngggg.   
TG: bluh bluh bluh. no alcohol apieceofstation   
TG: *appecation   
TG: *appreciation   
GG: well...  
GG: i'm sorry, but i'll have to side with him on this one!  
GG: i don't think you should be drinking, either!  
GG: can you even legally drink?  
TG: uh yeah   
TG: proudly legally drunk this yr!   
TG: not like it mattered in the first place   
GG: um   
GG: i'm sure it does!  
GG: anyway have you gotten a copy of the game we were talking about? :)  
TG: oh you bet   
TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all  
TG: said jackpot like   
TG: a BUNCH of times   
TG: all those   
TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps  
TG: backdoor trojans and what not   
TG: were no match  
TG: 4 mai codez  
TG: snicker  
GG: uh  
GG: it's great that you got the game, but i don't approve of hacking :(  
TG: whatevs, it works   
TG: but in this case it doesnt even matter   
TG: to put it in your fancy flower terms   
TG: it was liek   
TG: a walk in the park   
GG: oh.   
GG: have you decided whether to be on the red team or the green team?  
TG: probs the green on   
TG: *one   
GG: why?  
TG: hehheh bro lalonde probaby wouldt be happy to see me   
TG: *probably wouldn't   
GG: oh, i see.   
GG: you'll have to consult with my chumhandle double for orders now! :)  
TG: whaatt   
TG: well yeah sure i guess y not   
TG: she's a grate bffsie   
GG: if you say so! :)  
TG: i say so   
TG: i mean   
TG: what other lass goes 'shucks, buster'   
TG: totes lolworthy   
GG: um.  
GG: ok  
GG: is there anything you'd like me to tell him?  
TG: as in, my cute little bro and his silly rapping vernacular  
GG: ... yeah.  
TG: tell him alcohol is awesum   
TG: *awesome   
TG: haha and enjoy life with dadddd he can be so bluh sometimes  
GG: um, ok, i will.  
GG: have fun playing the game then :)  
\-- gildedGemstone [GG] ceased pestering tippledGnostalgia [TG]\--

  
> Jade: Check Mail.

You've been ignoring that sturdy mailbox for way too long! You have a game to be getting and it would be terribly hypocritical of you to urge your friend to hurry up and then take your time yourself! Leaving your laptop, you exit your room and run down the stairs. 

Stairs are horrible, horrible things. You wish you had some way to teleportalize yourself up and down floors without those silly zigzag structures. Maybe you should build something like it. You'd call it...a Teleportalizer. Or a Transportalizer. Since a Movizer is just too plain for your tastes.

You are out of the door and- look! You've got mail! The game must have arrived!

With a shriek of glee you run past the hand-trimmed shrubery statues of a hunting wolf pack, your clothes nearly catching on your precious Venus-Flytrap-Orchid hybrids. And expected, you find your client disk in the box, and two packages! Yaayyy!

You quickly hurry upstairs to check on the contents of the packages. One of them is wrapped in red paper, while the other is wrapped in green paper.

  
> Jade: Open Packages.

You pick up a handy pair of scissors and eagerly snip open the cover of the red package. There is a note taped to its inside cover, but you disregard it for the time being. Looking into the box, you see...

A ROCKET PAPAYA?!?!? According to the engravings on the side of this strange cylindrical object, that is.

That's...great, you guess. You can do loads of things with a Rocket Papaya. Like. Uh. Well. Um. 

To be honest, you have no idea.

You return your attention to the note.

hey jade!   
i figured you needed something to occupy your strife specibus, and i also figured that you like stuff that can do ranged combat but not kill someone (unlike darts) so i made you a rocket papaya!   
have fun using it :B   
well not really. just don't go around blowing things up for fun, okay?   
merry christmas!   
~john   
What was he thinking? You don't even have any idea how this works. You decide to consult him. Looks like he just signed on as well.

  
\-- gildedGemstone [GG] started pestering electronicBasilisk [EB]\--  
GG: hey! :D   
EB: hey jade  
EB: what's up?  
GG: i got your present   
GG: it's great, thank you!   
EB: it arrived?  
EB: darn, i must have gotten the date messed up!  
EB: it's four days early!  
GG: it's okay, i still appreciate it!   
GG: although i'm not sure how to use it :O   
EB: well, it's a rocket.  
EB: shaped like a papaya.  
EB: i figured you liked papayas, considering how many you have in your garden...  
GG: but how do you usseeeeee it?   
GG: it's like...sitting there...being all papaya-like...  
GG: i don't know how to work rockets usually, let alone papaya-shaped ones! D:   
GG: could you teach me? i couldn't find an instruction manual   
EB: well i built it to be workable like a gun  
EB: take the rocket papaya, you should find a handle and a trigger  
EB: point it at whatever you want to shoot, sight along the top (i added a sight), breathe in and shoot!  
EB: yeah basically like that.  
GG: oooohhh   
EB: though i hope you won't randomly shoot things for the fun of it.  
EB: that's dangerous.  
GG: i will try my best not too!   
EB: also there's a hole at the back of the rocket   
EB: to reload  
GG: what do i reload it with? bullets or gunpowder or papaya innards?   
EB: there's a cord in the box, plug one end into the hole and the other into a power socket  
EB: it's basically electrical.  
GG: cool! an electric gun! i've never seen one of those before :O  
EB: though you can adjust the voltage to whatever you'd like  
EB: three settings: static, zap and THUNDERFLASH.  
EB: i recommend static for normal, because i doubt you'll get attacked by anything.  
EB: zap if you want to stun.  
EB: don't use THUNDERFLASH unless absolutely necessary, though  
EB: that setting squeezes out all the juice in the battery.  
GG: oh, okay!   
GG: thanks so much! wow, my own present seems so dull compared to yours...  
EB: nah, 's okay.  
EB: i just had the stuff lying around.  
GG: have you gotten your copy of the game yet?   
GG: oh dear i'm asking everyone this question, am i being rather annoying? D:   
EB: i have.  
EB: though i can't start yet  
GG: why? D:  
EB: our melbournian friend hasn't started up the game, remember?  
GG: oh, yes! how could i have forgotten!   
GG: don't worry, he'll be getting to it soon, last i checked he was off to get the mail.   
EB: that's great!  
EB: i'll be waiting then!  
GG: i'll tell you as soon as he's ready to go!  
EB: thanks!   
\-- gildedGemstone [GG] ceased pestering electronicBasilisk [EB]\--  



	3. > Jade: Take a moment to wonder if when you fire the rocket papaya if it would smell fruity afterwards.

> Jade: Take a moment to wonder if when you fire the rocket papaya if it would smell fruity afterwards.

Hmm. That is a brilliant question! Is this a fruit that is also a weapon, or a weapon that looks like a fruit? Or both a fruit and a weapon? In which cases would the fruitiness of a normal papaya be carried over to this rocket papaya? What other things from a papaya can be found here, other than its fruity appearence? Hmm...

Whelp, that's enough philosophical musing for today. You were always one for action anyway. You glance around to check for any onlookers before curiously sniffing all around the rocket papaya. Nope, no fruity smell, not even gunpowder or electricity or whatever weapons are supposed to smell like...   
You guess the only thing to do now is to fire it! 

> Jade: Test Rocket Papaya's features on surrounding plants.

So. How does this thing work again? Right. You grip the trigger, aim and-

Wait! You'd never let your crosshairs settle on an innocent creature, anthromorphologically-orientated or otherwise! That includes plants! You abort the attack, shaking your head. No no no no! To fire would be terribly mean! You will just have to save this baby for later, then. Surprises are good things. You look forward to when you will be able to confidently pull back the trigger on Thunderflash mode, and watch the sparks fly. 

  
> Jade: For good measure, pester any of your other friends who might be online right now.

Um, okay, voice in your head! 

Setting your present on the table along with your other tinkering projects, you turn your attention back to the computer. It seems that another of your chums have come online! Here's one time where differing timezones come in really handy. 

\-- gildedGemstone [GG] started pestering transcendalTheorist [TT]\--  
GG: hello! :)  
TT: Salutations, Jade.   
TT: Is there any pressing matter you'd like to talk to me about?  
GG: um, no!  
TT: So I would assume that this is a simple social call, then.   
GG: yeah! :D  
GG: I was wondering if you got the game yet!  
TT: Certainly.   
TT: You're growing into your role of leader quite well, yes?   
TT: I shall fondly await the time where you'd be ordering us all around like a tyranical dictator pirate.   
GG: oh no i'll never do that! D:   
GG: i'm not your leader, i'm your friend!   
GG: there's a big difference!  
TT: Statements like that are also the reason why you're our leader.   
GG: pfft.  
GG: if you say so.  
GG: anyway it's great that you've got the game!  
GG: mail must be really confusing over there, right?  
TT: Yes, but I manage.   
TT: Are my server and client players ready? I am fully on standby and absolutely raring to go on testing this game, which is apparently much awaited out there among the larger populace which I have never met before.  
GG: no, not yet!  
GG: i've asked them to hurry though!  
TT: No need to fret, Jade.   
TT: I was being sarcastic.   
TT: But in all seriousness, I am all for starting the game as soon as possible and getting it over with. As you know, my upbringing doesn't leave up room for gaming passion.  
GG: i know!  
GG: i better check on them now!   
TT: Goodbye, then. Feel free to report back any time.   
GG: i will!  
GG: :D   
\-- gildedGemstone [GG] started ceased transcendalTheorist [TT]\--

  
> PSYCHE

A young man stands in his bedroom. Due to the unfortunate alcoholic tendencies of his father he has been kept awake almost all night. He has just cleaned up the living room and put his father to bed, and therefore returns to his own room to ponder what to do next. A certain young lady located halfway across the world is relying on him to be the server player for a popular video game he is due to play with her. This young man named...

Named...

It's on the tip of your tongue. What was the name of this young man again?

  
> Enter Name.

Once again, you make the incalculable blunder of attempting to engrave an already allocated placronym. His name was etched when he turned 13 too, almost 5 years ago. It's been sitting on top of his CHEST OF DRAWERS ever since. What sort of vulgar, childish moniker were you going to stick this poor bastard with? Flighty Prick? It doesn't even matter. Just tell him what to do!

  
> Examine Room. 

Your name is DAVE LALONDE. As was previously mentioned you have been up all night, and despite the fact that you need SLEEP you are quite ALERT. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for VIOLIN PIECES of all kinds, and you can play them to VIRTUOSO STANDARD, whatever that is. You have a fondness for the LIGHT-ALIGNED AND ANGELIC, however you are ATHEIST and therefore have NO RELIGION. ANIMALS seem to love you, and crowd around you at EVERY OPPOTURNITY, but this UNSETTLES you greatly and therefore you make a very SKILLED, if not EXTREMELY EFFICIENT FARMHAND. You also like to READ, and your room is a BIT OF A MESS, with BOOKS piled ALL OVER THE PLACE. And on occasion, if just the right one strikes your fancy, you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends. 

What will you do?


End file.
